my life in a nut shell

I love my son, but I find myself questioning why God gave him to us sooo very soon. Our marriage has been shaken to the core many times since his birth. He had colic way bad and cried so much, more than I could handle, it caused me to break down often and get upset at big man. I envied him a lot because he got to leave and go to work while I had to stay with wee-lil man. Lately lil seems to be reverting to crying a lot, tonight alone he's cried for over 2 hours because he didn't want to go to sleep. After lil turned 5 months old he became such a happy smiling little fella, and that when I finally got to really know him. I struggled a lot with depression and big man hasn't been able to understand. I felt like I was doing so goo, for almost a year I was able to be somewhat stable then after lil was about a month old, it came crashing down. It's hard to admit, it seems like after you baby is 8 weeks old everyone expects you to be super human and that just not the way it is. Big has 3 cousins that I get along with that all had babes around the same time as us, and every time I mentioned that I might be struggling they looked at me like I was crazy. Last fall we lost most of our year-round staff, leaving Big and our director trying to do everything. It didn't go so smooth, but on the outside everyone thought it was OK. I stepped in to help here and there, but for the most part I hang back and play with the flowers. I find some solice in gardening, and it's something that I can do that no one else wants too.For the most part things have evened out. Lil is almost 9 months old, my depression is starting to wane. Big and I are still dealing with the after math. It would be one thing if it was just ourselves and Lil we had to deal with, but add camp, then his parents and it's been sooo much. We are trying to work though it, but to everyone around us, Big is the perfect husband and dad and I'm the evil wife that bewitched him into marriage. I only know this because they say it and openly question him on it. It hurts a lot. I feel like I've given all I am to my men, and it breaks my heart to be thought of like this, especially from his family. BUT, this is the life God had given me and I will go on.